Christmas blues.

--Another old one I never published. --

I knew these days would come, the ones where Alex is at work and I am home alone. The previous two I have had were not too bad. Things have been looking up and they still are, I realise how fortunate I am to have so many things go right for me. I am so happy with so many things, I feel so comfortable in my own skin, and am in a wonderful happy relationship.

I am not sure why, but today was one of the most difficult I have had so far. Every facebook bleep that popped up from a friend brought me to tears. I was wrapping a few presents and couldn't stop thinking about my mom and I's annual Christmas shopping trip to Kansas City, the lights and bonding. I couldn't help but think of Christmas morning, and my parents, half-brothers, and Molly. And, not only because I am not there (other than Molly, I'm sure, she wouldn't go to my parent's without me there) but I don't think it will be anyone other than my parent's for Christmas this year. It will be the first time for them in at least 26 years, if not longer. I don't know if the boys were with them before I was around. That thought alone makes me pretty upset, which I am sure doesn't make much sense, I am not worried about my Christmas.

Alex does an amazing job at making sure I know how much he loves me and am supported by him, and we've been invited out by some friends for Christmas eve and then to Alex's family's house for Christmas dinner. I am confidant it will be a good day, though I have no doubt it will be a difficult one.

Anyway, that doesn't do much to explain why I am a blubbering ball of tears today. I honestly don't have much of a clue, but wouldn't mind it going away!