The cult of vanity

We go through life thinking we know ourselves oh so well, we know what we like and don't and what is important to us. I wouldn't be so daring to make the over confidant statement that I don't care about looks... I do, I love fashion, the art, the feel, the experience and just the all encompassing... well everything of fashion. I like to be somewhat fit and not look like a total slob, but I see all of these more as just being myself. I don't wear much make up, I wear comfortable clothes often (OK... all the time), and heals are usually put on at the last moment, I don't go to tanning beds or have fake nails, breasts, nose or anything fake for that matter. 

Though there have been a few times in life when I get knocked back and realize that I myself too am part of this vain club. Once, was the first year of high school, I was at a football game and decided I needed gum, purchased a blow pop and bit down a bit too hard and popped off a false covering which had been placed years earlier over a chipped tooth, a mishap from my younger years. I had a full on freak out, and demanded my mother aid me in getting a dentist to do an emergency call over the weekend. With my talking and thinking we actually decided to wait for 1st thing Monday morning... I remember her asking me to really think about how horrible I was being, how difficult I really thought I had it. I thought about it and gave in, realizing how easy I really did have it and how much more difficult others really did have it. She took me to an area called galloway village, we popped in and out of little shops, I resisted talking to people on the chance they might notice the small bit missing from my tooth. This area, galloway, later became my secret, or not so secret refuge. It has a trail that runs through the village and the park called sequiota, and many, many days I managed self provided therapy via my runs there. 

Now some 9 years later, I find myself again struggling with an issue, being vain and wanting to remain covered, trying to remember how much more difficult so many others have it. I don't really know what is wrong with me, there are just small bumps on my legs, they itch and some now appear on my arms, and stomach. I go to the doctor tomorrow and am in serious prayer that they will be able to help straight away. Most people don't notice it.. OK no one does unless they see me itching it. I notice it, I think it is shouting out at the world. When Alex and I first met he loved my legs, and still does... thus I became emotional and freak out that he can't possibly love my legs anymore. He assures me that this is not the case, that he doesn't notice them unless I itch them and draw it to his attention with my complaining. 

I know I need to step back and realize the fortune that I have, as well as I am sure so many other people do.  I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with and the wonderful health I have been given!