Sunshine through the clouds

It has been a bit of an exceptionally difficult day. I am not totally sure why, but the water works have been off and on all day. I've missed friends, family, traditions and of course Alex (he's been at work all day, and now is at their Christmas party). I knew this time would come, but then began to doubt it once it hadn't. Though I should have known it would be something I had to deal with on my own, it feels like a grieving process of sorts. I am morning the loss of change I guess, I am happy, things are great, but it's just like a bit of loss, a loss of my old self, a loss of closeness to friends and family and a loss of annual traditions. So many things are the best they could be, I am in a wonderful relationship, I have a decent job (not my dream job, but none the less, an amazing job, and I feel comfortable in my own skin, I feel good, like really good!). It may sound crazy to many people, but I do feel like it is just something that I have to go through, something to process, something normal. There are several things of comfort I have turned to... some good, some that some people would consider not so good. The good, being things like Friends, it's on t.v. constantly here, comfortable clothes, my favorite stuffed animal, comforting food and drink, etc... The not so good are those things that are like emotional cutting or something, listening to a song my dad sang to me when I was little, looking through photos of those that I miss at home. I even went so far as to look at the Kansas City Plaza Christmas lights online. I know, I know. Alex would at least tell me I shouldn't do this, and probably get a bit upset with me...but... it's me. It has made me feel more able to stand a bit more on my own though, I have been quite productive today and enjoyed myself quite a bit. I went for another run, and got lost again (I have a horrible sense of direction). I wrapped Christmas presents and organized, cleaned, cooked and more. As most of you know, I love looking a baby stuff, so I have found a new website that makes me smile! http://www.idreamelephants.com/index.jsp , be sure to check it out! (No, we aren't expecting!) Again, just me! Not a lot else to share, I am ready to get settled in London, to pay off a few bills, so we can buy a house, get a dog (Baxter) and then plan on expanding our family someday. I can't wait for some visitors so that I can show people around our area. I am starting to feel more and more like a "local" mostly when I find myself getting annoyed with tourists! I have great news that I get two weeks off between now and the end of February. So, if anyone can come visit in that time, let me know! It would be great, I have looked into a flight to the states for a few days, but it's not really in the budget for the time. I get a lot of holiday time though, so I will have other opportunities to go to the US, Australia (very soon hopefully) and able to entertain visitors a bit more! So, though it has been a bit of a rainy day in my life (figuratively, not literally actually) there is a ray of sunshine coming through, and hopefully now that I am over this hurdle of dealing with this change on my own, it won't come back... I'll cross my fingers anyway! :) Love and miss you all!