I don't think a day goes by that I don't swing from one end of the pendulum of my heart to the other. I have had some of the hardest years of my life, I fully believe that they will only get better, but they have not been bad in the normal sense. They have been necessary, rewarding, amazing and the actualization of my dreams. I for some reason always had this deep desire to really have to watch what I spent to decide between "dinner" or vogue.... It still thank heavens has not been so desperate, though not too far off. I feel that it has made me into a different person, a person I like much more, and one that is much better for the world as a whole. We have come a long way in our time in London, from calling on both sets of parent's (thank God for them!) for aid and assistance and transfers to be able to get a flat or to be able to have both a "Thanksgiving" meal as well as the ability to keep our ell phones on in hopes of getting a job in one case and a better job in another.
We eat well, really well, but not because we spend much, because we put thought and planning and we dress well, but it is mostly items we have had for years. We are truly happy, we have traveled a lot and we have bonded and grown and loved a lot.
I still battle in my heart every day though as to where we are to live. Where is to be our home, to fully settle and expand our family. Due to our past and our passions I am not fully sure that this battle will ever fully disappear though I pray that I get more used to dealing with it or that it settles a bit. Who knew that so many options would make life so much more complicated.
I cannot say that I truly know where it is that I want to be, at least not on a consistent basis. I miss the states like I would have never believed. I have realized a few things considering the U.S. I am truly myself, and this is both somehow simultaneously so dissimilar to the stereotype (thought others may disagree) yet so much the same. I miss the holidays, all the silly little holidays, and the over the top celebration of them, though I am so happy to have added in English and Australian holidays as well. I know I am like some in the U.S. though not the majority (these thoughts shall remain for another time). I miss my friends though I am not ignorant enough to believe that I would be happy there, where I was for the past few years, not all of my friends live there anymore nor did I want to remain. Things change, people grow up and move on. We develop into ourselves more and more.
I love London, I love being in the heart of it all, that our Lonely Planet magazine is focused on travels out of London each month, that we have multiple airports and feel simply at the epicenter of it all. Fashion week is at my backdoor, premiers are around every corner and the olympics are at my place of work.
Australia, ah what is there to say, there is a reason that people flock there, and dream of visiting there their entire life. It is amazing, the weather is wonderful, the vibe... casual, the food great, the beaches and wildlife beyond compare. Not the easiest travel to various other destinations other than Asia or New Zealand though it is a tough contender on the absolutely amazingness of it. I might be a bit biased as I lived a wonderful life while there, one that we could not obtain for a long while, though it is beyond words.
I hate and love that I cannot say I choose one country, that I hands down favour one over another or that I will not miss and regret and long to visit any country out of at least these three that we could easily live in. There are other options, the rest of the EU, though language barriers make general living more difficult, though there are several of these countries and cities that hold very special places in our hearts.
Today was a day more than ever that I felt this battle, there are some problems that are good to have, and this is one, though it is difficult to always feel that way, to hold a positive train of thought and not allow the emotions to overrun.
Feel blessed where you are, and appreciate it, love those around you and cherish your friends all around the world, it just makes more places to visit and more people to see, it makes the world seem that much smaller and it really makes the world your oyster.
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