The battle of my heart...

I don't think a day goes by that I don't swing from one end of the pendulum of my heart to the other. I have had some of the hardest years of my life, I fully believe that they will only get better, but they have not been bad in the normal sense. They have been necessary, rewarding, amazing and the actualization of my dreams. I for some reason always had this deep desire to really have to watch what I spent to decide between "dinner" or vogue.... It still thank heavens has not been so desperate, though not too far off. I feel that it has made me into a different person, a person I like much more, and one that is much better for the world as a whole. We have come a long way in our time in London, from calling on both sets of parent's (thank God for them!) for aid and assistance and transfers to be able to get a flat or to be able to have both a "Thanksgiving" meal as well as the ability to keep our ell phones on in hopes of getting a job in one case and a better job in another.

We eat well, really well, but not because we spend much, because we put thought and planning  and we dress well, but it is mostly items we have had for years. We are truly happy, we have traveled a lot and we have bonded and grown and loved a lot.

I still battle in my heart every day though as to where we are to live. Where is to be our home, to fully settle and expand our family. Due to our past and our passions I am not fully sure that this battle will ever fully disappear though I pray that I get more used to dealing with it or that it settles a bit. Who knew that so many options would make life so much more complicated.

I cannot say that I truly know where it is that I want to be, at least not on a consistent basis. I miss the states like I would have never believed. I have realized a few things considering the U.S. I am truly myself, and this is both somehow simultaneously so dissimilar to the stereotype (thought others may disagree) yet so much the same. I miss the holidays, all the silly little holidays, and the over the top celebration of them, though I am so happy to have added in English and Australian holidays as well. I know I am like some in the U.S. though not the majority (these thoughts shall remain for another time). I miss my friends though I am not ignorant enough to believe that I would be happy there, where I was for the past few years, not all of my friends live there anymore nor did I want to remain. Things change, people grow up and move on. We develop into ourselves more and more.

I love London, I love being in the heart of it all, that our Lonely Planet magazine is focused on travels out of London each month, that we have multiple airports and feel simply at the epicenter of it all. Fashion week is at my backdoor, premiers are around every corner and the olympics are at my place of work.

Australia, ah what is there to say, there is a reason that people flock there, and dream of visiting there their entire life. It is amazing, the weather is wonderful, the vibe... casual, the food great, the beaches and wildlife beyond compare. Not the easiest travel to various other destinations other than Asia or New Zealand though it is a tough contender on the absolutely amazingness of it. I might be a bit biased as I lived a wonderful life while there, one that we could not obtain for a long while, though it is beyond words.

I hate and love that I cannot say I choose one country, that I hands down favour one over another or that I will not miss and regret and long to visit any country out of at least these three that we could easily live in. There are other options, the rest of the EU, though language barriers make general living more difficult, though there are several of these countries and cities that hold very special places in our hearts.

Today was a day more than ever that I felt this battle, there are some problems that are good to have, and this is one, though it is difficult to always feel that way, to hold a positive train of thought and not allow the emotions to overrun.

Feel blessed where you are, and appreciate it, love those around you and cherish your friends all around the world, it just makes more places to visit and more people to see, it makes the world seem that much smaller and it really makes the world your oyster.

Will walk for food...

I realised tonight on my way home, while carrying my reusable bag ( and one grocery story bag: I have began to loathe these bags, I do still use some and find comfort in the fact that we reuse them to pick up after Baxter after he does his business outside.) Anyway... I will be able to share those "annoying" stories with my children someday. Stories of how I had to walk home, in the snow (the past few days) and Ice or heat (though London never really gets HOT), rain or whatever weather comes our way, carrying whatever groceries we were to have at home. This is not a one off, it is a daily process. Those friends who have seen my flat on skype know the size of our kitchen, know that we only have a mini fridge and a few cabinets to house everything need to cook with. Pots, pans, graters, mixing bowls and ingredients. We do use mostly fresh ingredients though there is no doubt that it would be not be absolutely amazing to have both more cabinet space and a much larger fridge. It isn't the most fun to have to choose between milk, sparkling water, white wine and a soft drink or something as to which gets to be cold. Or, the worst... quite possibly a crime... to not be able to fit so much as a tub of ice cream into your freezer! Oh, the horror! OK, well we kind of can, or could if we de-frosted it (a lot) but when we did manage to squeeze it in, it never properly froze it, you needed to eat it straight away, or you end up with something without the thickness of most good milk shakes. We are doing a step competition with work, wearing pedometers around and competing in groups as to who takes the most steps in a week, with this I have discovered that I take roughly 2,200 steps on the way to or from the tube station from our house, there are several different routes I could take, and no, I have not compared differences, just a simple observation.

So, with that said I am excited to have discovered that the tales and tradition of walking distances in the weather to school, or work, or whatever the circumstance might be in the weather will not fade away with earlier generations, but many of us will be able to tell the tales as well.