Unknown fear

What is it about Americans that leaves people thinking so many American's are out of touch with the rest of the world? This was one of the many topics discussed on my recent trip to Belgium. As I explained away possible reasons I found myself sharing the explanation I realized was my excuse as to why I feel so out of touch, why I did, and why I still do. Traveling more and more definitely helps, but there is still a distance that I have from the realities of the real World. I have no idea what it is like to live the type of life that so many others do. I need for nothing, I want for a lot, but not really all that much, and all of it is merely wanting. I don't know what it is like to go to bed hungry (short of the occasional fast required for blood work). I don't know what it is like to go to bed or wake up scared, not on a usual basis at least, most of what I fear is truly my imagination. I have healthcare, be in private or public dependent upon my country of residence.

This gap has become more aware to me as I experience bits and pieces of the way that the other world lives day in and day out. Still, my experiences are on very low levels, but none the less, it makes me aware of my utter ignorance and lack of true understanding to what their lives must be like.

For Alex's birthday we went to Morocco. I was excited, for all but the flight, and we did have a great time, looking back. We got there and I was excited and in awe because of the differentness we were surrounded by, I still remember the wonderful sweet man that drove us to and from our raid, most of the people we truly encountered were wonderful. Though it was there people we didn't interact with that caused me stress, a lot of stress. I felt like they saw me as an enemy, like they must hate me, I couldn't see a lot of their faces due to traditional coverings and I didn't know what hate for me they were hiding under there. I know that this is not true, but to me, the fear was real. It only became all the more real when standing right next to the hotel/ cafe that a bomb had been set off a month before, our wonderful lonely planet guide book had even instructed us to go there for a drink. Then there was the call to prayer, I was fine with this throughout the day, they did it several times the call came from the minaret and cycled around for around 10 minutes. I had apparently been so exhausted the first night that I remained unaware of the 4 am calling. On our second night or morning should I say, I heard it loud and clear, 4 AM! Being sunday morning I heard it and assumed that they were calling to wake everyone up for church, once looking at the clock and seeing the time, I went into full on panic mode. Bless Alex and his unending patience with me, at all times of the day or night. I was for sure it was my time, they were coming to get all the infidels, and I was one of them. After much reassurance and much calming I did manage to make it back to sleep, but I feel confidant saying that I did not truly relax the entire trip (my illness at the end did not help but who knows how it played into or was affected by my stress and fear). My fear was not full justified, to me it was, in my wonderful overactive imagination it was, but compared to most, it couldn't have been much different than a normal day in London.

Las week the fear of London was heightened as well. The riots brought a sense of unrest across the entire city, shops closing down early, people fearing if their borough would be the next to get hit. We joked around a lot of the absurdity of our area being one. A friend even made a statement as to what would they benefit from looting crouch end... artisan pastries and yummy mummy buggies. Ha, right. Though on Tuesday as I rode the bus home I saw more and more shops with their windows boarded up, the only part of this familiar to me was as though they were boarding up for a hurricane, but they weren't it was for angry, crazy people. I decided I needed to stop at a local place right away for dinner essentials instead of heading home then back out again. I got off, picked up my bits and bops and headed to check out. As I was searching for Duvel (a Belgium beer, for Alex) a couple near by was joking about how everyone was stocking up on the essentials incase they were unable to leave their flat for weeks, I gave a chuckle and thought nothing of it. After I checked out, I waled outside to be greeted by 8-12 youth, males, hoodies on, pulled up, ready to attack. I could not believe what I was seeing and fear ran through me, I quickly turned the corner to make my walk home when another boy was straight in-front of me. The couple whom had made the joke was also walking in-front of me, I speed up a bit and asked if I could walk close to them to look like we were all together, hoping this would help scare off anyone thinking I was traveling alone. They offered to give me a ride home as their car was there and I gladly accepted. Upon returning home (Alex wasn't expected for another 30-45 minutes). After much terror and freaking out, getting aid from friends on skype and facebook, (thanks Paul, Hilary, and Molly!). Alex made it home, but he was a bit late as he had stopped at a shop too, thinking I would be too flustered to remember to stop. Things were fine, we were not bothered, and from what we have heard and seen nothing around us was disturbed either, but I can not imagine living with that fear or any fear even close regularly.

The fears are gone for now, I can get up and pick up a snack, it all makes me realize how out of touch myself and so many others are with the fears and issues that so many of the world experience on a daily basis. Why I don't understand it because it is so difficult to believe that  it could be some ones existence to hold such fear and hardships. What we see on television seems like another world, a movie or game, but it is life and it is very real. I am beyond grateful for my blessing of safety and nourishment, but I need to remember it daily and never take it for granted, because I can't say when riots will break out, or any other unforeseen change may come along.