what's stopping you?

What gives you drive? What makes you do something or stop from doing it? I was recently reading an article in this month’s British Vogue discussing this. Was it our fear of failure that stopped us from trying, or possibly our fear of success? What a novel and very true idea this was. What happens to us when we succeed? What do we do then? Will others be happy for us, or envious of our success? Will they support us on our way? As I read this and began to think of instances in life when I have had something I wanted to do, what was it that encouraged me to do it or held me back from going forward. Things sounds like such a good idea until it comes time to put the pedal to the metal and make it happen. The first instance that pops to my mind of this is well, so much of what is going on in my life. I am not sure where the switch happened or what the trigger was (though I have a good feeling it is the much thanks due to the man sitting across from me as I type this, my wonderful husband, Alex). He encourages me to do anything and everything I show the slightest interest in, sometimes (because I am weird) he almost encourages me too much. I know this sounds odd to many, but I for some reason like to do a lot of things on my own terms. I enjoy running, but I don’t want someone else telling me when to go running. Same goes for painting, I guess in some weird instance when someone else tells me to do it, it is almost reminiscent of having homework or something. You enjoy doing something until it is that you have to do it, the fun is gone.  But why not encourage someone to go for everything, why not try for everything. If you are interested in it… give it a shot! I self reflect and wonder why I don’t do this more than I do. What is it that is stopping me, fear in which essence? Fear of failing or of succeeding. Why do I like to do things such as running on my own terms and in such secrecy? I think that if someone knows where I am, and what I am doing and I fail, miss my mark, then I have let down no one other than myself. At the same time, if I beat it and outdo my initial desires, I don’t want to feel ashamed for doing well, I don’t want to cause jealousy, tension, suspicion as to why I am doing what I am, and whom it might really be for. I have felt this before when running, either someone not believing in me as an individual and that I could never reach the goals I have set out for, or the opposite, some form of odd jealously that I have, and they have not. It truly is those closest to us that have the ability to hurt us the most. They are the one’s who have the access to our inner most layers and thus, the most vulnerable us. Where did we stop being happy for one another and proud of each other and begin to turn every aspect of life into a competition?  (I prefer the first…. As long as it is genuine!) Today, I was encouraged to make a chair from wood, crochet a blanket, complete a series of paintings, and give up dairy (excluding yogurt) for lent, all thanks to one person. What a positive influence, and how easy would it be for it to go in the other direction if he didn’t have the attitude he does. I could easily find myself down on life and not feel capable of following my dreams. It is a bit like a child who’s parent’s are always encouraging them that they can conquer the world if that is their desire, reach for the stars! Those are the types of people I prefer to surround myself with, not the “Debbie downers” who fail to see potential in an individual. I think, if they are genuinely happy for you, it is not a negative feeling you get from succeeding at your dreams which is when you loose your fear of actually succeeding and your fear of failing, because you know that, failure or success is not what it is solely about but so much more, and you have people there to support and encourage you in that.