The past few days have been, a whirlwind of what-if's and what-if-not's... I feel like I have been torn between knowing what I want, what I think I've wanted before, or not want. Just to name a few of these things in limbo: flat in UK, house/flat in the US (Chicago probably), getting a dog, babies, work and the list goes on and on... A few of the decisions have been made, so before anyone freaks out, let me tell you what those things have been so far... 1. No, we are not pregnant, we thought I might be, but two tests have confirmed we are not. 2. totally not related to that answer, we are getting a puppy, tomorrow, Saturday! A boston terrier, and could not be more excited, we haven't decided on a name yet for sure, but will hopefully narrow it down this evening. We're looking at properties both here and Chicago, though at the time we are thinking Chicago might be easier to get on the property ladder, (we would be renting it out for a few years at least, then might more there, but for the time, we are sticking here).
Don't fear parent's... we do want children, and if it was now, we would be alright with it, but we want to wait a bit longer, do a bit more traveling and build ourselves up a bit more so we can give them the lives you gave us. So for now... you will have to settle for a puppy grandchild. Though, this has been quite an eye opening experience for me, while I feel that I have been one of those people that as a little girl simply could not wait to be a mother, have someone to take care of, look after, etc... I have always loved Children's toys, clothes, books, everything. I am sure part's of it i.e.: the toys and books may be a bit of regression coping mechanism. Though, once I was faced with the fact that this was really happening, when we hadn't planned on it, I knew I would be fine regardless of the answer, but I began to have a great fear. I had a fear of two things, 1. I have come to realize that one of my absolute biggest fears is losing a child, something going wrong during the pregnancy! As I have said before Alex and I are quite organic and very big on natural/slow/fair trade foods these days, but at the very thought of this life change I felt myself drawing into an overboard in this area, probably to the point of driving Alex insane (If I am not already there! :) ) 2. My body being taken over, no longer mine. Such a weird thought, and feeling, that I know someday I will have to come to grips with, and will need some advice from those of you whom have gone before me in this adventure!
Anyway, I will try to keep everyone up to date on property searching and all of the above, and stay posted for photos of the puppy! :)
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