cold, crying, and cramped

This is how I feel these days, well it really hasn't been all that long. But you know the times when a weeks seems like an eternity? This is one of those weeks. As anyone who knows me knows, I am cold, always. And, London decided to take a pretty drastic  temperature drop upon our arrival. Around the topic of temperature I am doing my best to acclimate myself around the Celsius scale, it is proving not too difficult. A trick taught to me by a friend (Mr. Cody Chaloner) is helping a great bit, take the Celsius temperature, double it and add 30, it doesn't get you spot on but at least gives you an idea. It does not help any that the house we are currently stay in is absolutely freezing, it is on some odd  system where the heat, including water heat, is only on for a few hours in the morning and a few in the evening... not quite my style. So, as i sit here I am in socks, leggings, t-shirt, sweater, zipped-up fleece, and Alex's new and very warm duffle coat! And, am still chilly! It looks like the kind Paddington bear wears and is adorable! He's running a bath for me, 3rd try for today for it to be hot enough, this is just ridiculous! I do not see how people live so cold, though I am sure, they are not consistently cold as I am! As for the crying, there is no telling when the tears are going to show up, today for example... They reared their ugly head in the middle of the kitchen department of a local department store. We were walking around, surveying the various home goods we might choose from to make our new flat our home (once we find one) when I felt tel welling up, and then boom, the explosion of lightly salted various particles of whatever makes up the water type droplets springing from tear ducts is made of. The thought of once having all of these little things, each and everyone of them, from the cutting boards, iron, blender, and such and simply not having them anymore. I already had it all, and loved them. But they all had to go, be it garage sale or various other avenues of giving away or selling, so now it was time to replace them all. As Alex pointed out, replacing it with things that were "ours" and doing it "together" and all of that, though it lessened the pain, it was one I did not expect to experience, since I had known it would be coming, and was a part of the getting rid of all the old stuff. It has given me a huge sympathy for those who have suffered from natural disasters or fires, these people have to go through a similar process, only much more drastic replacing usually everything, including their valued and prized clothing and any other things they hold precious to them. They do not get the luxury of picking and choosing which things to take with them and which to leave behind, and they don't get the choice of it at all. It just happens, with out warning. I feel very fortunate in these regards to have had the choice to being going through this still difficult process. As for the second crying offense today was when the Michael Buble song "Home" began playing without warning from a website. Though this song is so beautifully sung and I have no real desire to go "home" to the US right now, I have an overwhelming desire to simply feel, "at home" which I haven't for quite a long time, even before moving out of the apartment, I didn't feel at home... not really. When you're living in an altered state, out of suitcases, or staying with family then friends and back and forth, you just don't have a place to call yours, and that is the home I am dying to have again! I knew the song was out there, lurking around the corner, I remember it from previous travels, and when hearing it would just kind of create a soft spot in my heart. I even recall warning Alex, try to block that song from me some how, if it is even possible, block my computer for searching for it on you tube. I knew in a moment of weakness I would find it, I would find it and listen and cry. It would be a time when I am already upset and listen and cry more, I think I am a bit twisted in that, like when I am sad, I try to somehow make myself even more upset. Who knows, maybe it is some odd psychology that if I can get it all out now then I will be finished with it and not cry for a while, thought that never seems to work quite as planned. I will leave you with this, knowing that I am cramped here... for the time being not having that feeling of "home" and knowing that again for some reason I am playing that song while I type  to you, though I am proud to report... I am not crying!