day fillers

It seems as though the past few days have been filled with random comings and goings. Not totally random I guess, productive in all but a bit scattered. I guess I feel a bit like Alex and I both, together are like stay at home spouses or something. This is probably due to my inexperience in the unemployment world. Take today for example... our big outing was to Ikea, don't get me wrong, ikea is far from nothing, it is everything bit of wonderful but, that was our thing for the day. It just seems a bit silly, i am sure it wouldn't if the day before hadn't been.... "bank day" and the day before "walk around and find somewhere to live day", Sunday was "horse riding and dog walking" and Saturday was "watford mall/ high street" don't get me wrong, the days before these, Wednesday-Friday were very busy passing out our CV and searching high and low for employment, they were very exhausting, and then before that, well it would have been "ocean liner" time. I guess I am just not used to not having some form more of a schedule or productivity to my life. Since the age of 5 I was in school, sometimes summer school for the enjoyment of learning (I know, I know, I'm a nerd) and then on to high school with work in the summer or a busy social calender to keep me more than occupied, then to University with a full coarse load and working one or two jobs. After that graduate school and on to full time work with a part time job on the side most of the time. So, this, is why I am realizing the past few weeks have been so paranormal to me. I feel at a bit of a loss. I am sure I would enjoy this little psycho-social experiment of seeing how someone copes when their life is altered in more ways than one for the first time since the age of 5 (which might I add, I was in pre-school for a bit before that age!) if like so many stay at home mothers, at least in my eyes, had funds to go shopping and buy wonderful beautiful things, or maybe go the spa for a massage and pampering. Though, as it stands now, I am very excited and hopeful to join the wonderful work force once again!

Give it a little time...

That's what Alex has said to me multiple times now, and I know how true it is, but sometimes it is just so hard. Give it a little time and it will start to feel like home, I'll start to know my way around, and make some friends. It gets really hard sometimes though, I miss my home,  and my friends! We've made an offer which was accepted for a flat and are in some of the logistical stuff before we sign a contract for our 6 month lease. I am excited, but it somehow makes it so much more real. I keep saying this as though it's popped up as a surprise somehow, like I wasn't part of the extensive process of selling and packing and organizing, re-organizing and booking that it took to get us here. I was, but when it just hits me sometimes I feel as though I've woken up and been mysteriously plopped here. I know that without a doubt once we get in and give everything a extra cleaning (we bought some supplies tonight! :) ) and unpack our stuff, and give it our special touch it will have a charm that will draw me in as any other place I've lived in. Seeing my towel or measuring cups, tea towels or even lotion tucked away in my bag do put a smile on my face. I forget that they are here, that they are with me, that I haven't lost everything. They do seem slightly out of sight, out of mind. I am well aware that stuff is just stuff, though it often brings me great comfort. Some people have comfort food or comfort habits (smoking, drinking, whatever), or maybe it is a smell that makes them feel at home or ease. For me, I get that feeling a bit when I see items of clothing that I have. At the moment we still have about 6 "space" bags that I had packed to help consolidate on space. I have a few of them in the hallway for sanity sake with our room overflowing with suitcases and such. So these are the ones I pass by more often. And, I am glad I do. I see bits and pieces of items, never a whole, but I am instantly reminded of events surrounding where I got it, or where I've worn it. It sparks a sense of familiarity in a somewhat unfamiliar world. I see the dress I bought two years ago to wear as my Easter dress. I bought it while visiting my grandmother for the last time before she passed away. I remember showing it to her and the smile on her face, her pulling it closer to her to examine the fabric and tell me how pretty she thought I would be in it. She never saw me in it, didn't buy it for me and wasn't even there when we bought it at the store, but that dress, every time I see it, will forever remind me of my beloved Mamaw. There is the swim suit that I just had to have and searched high and low to get my hands on it, which wasn't even until the next season when it wasn't in circulation anymore.... talk about luck! And several others holding memories of smile and laughter, most of warmer weather since I decided I would not need to access them as quickly. I am looking forward to pulling each of my wonderful dress out of the suitcase storage and hanging them in my closet, and then, sad to say, but it will begin to feel much more like home!

cold, crying, and cramped

This is how I feel these days, well it really hasn't been all that long. But you know the times when a weeks seems like an eternity? This is one of those weeks. As anyone who knows me knows, I am cold, always. And, London decided to take a pretty drastic  temperature drop upon our arrival. Around the topic of temperature I am doing my best to acclimate myself around the Celsius scale, it is proving not too difficult. A trick taught to me by a friend (Mr. Cody Chaloner) is helping a great bit, take the Celsius temperature, double it and add 30, it doesn't get you spot on but at least gives you an idea. It does not help any that the house we are currently stay in is absolutely freezing, it is on some odd  system where the heat, including water heat, is only on for a few hours in the morning and a few in the evening... not quite my style. So, as i sit here I am in socks, leggings, t-shirt, sweater, zipped-up fleece, and Alex's new and very warm duffle coat! And, am still chilly! It looks like the kind Paddington bear wears and is adorable! He's running a bath for me, 3rd try for today for it to be hot enough, this is just ridiculous! I do not see how people live so cold, though I am sure, they are not consistently cold as I am! As for the crying, there is no telling when the tears are going to show up, today for example... They reared their ugly head in the middle of the kitchen department of a local department store. We were walking around, surveying the various home goods we might choose from to make our new flat our home (once we find one) when I felt tel welling up, and then boom, the explosion of lightly salted various particles of whatever makes up the water type droplets springing from tear ducts is made of. The thought of once having all of these little things, each and everyone of them, from the cutting boards, iron, blender, and such and simply not having them anymore. I already had it all, and loved them. But they all had to go, be it garage sale or various other avenues of giving away or selling, so now it was time to replace them all. As Alex pointed out, replacing it with things that were "ours" and doing it "together" and all of that, though it lessened the pain, it was one I did not expect to experience, since I had known it would be coming, and was a part of the getting rid of all the old stuff. It has given me a huge sympathy for those who have suffered from natural disasters or fires, these people have to go through a similar process, only much more drastic replacing usually everything, including their valued and prized clothing and any other things they hold precious to them. They do not get the luxury of picking and choosing which things to take with them and which to leave behind, and they don't get the choice of it at all. It just happens, with out warning. I feel very fortunate in these regards to have had the choice to being going through this still difficult process. As for the second crying offense today was when the Michael Buble song "Home" began playing without warning from a website. Though this song is so beautifully sung and I have no real desire to go "home" to the US right now, I have an overwhelming desire to simply feel, "at home" which I haven't for quite a long time, even before moving out of the apartment, I didn't feel at home... not really. When you're living in an altered state, out of suitcases, or staying with family then friends and back and forth, you just don't have a place to call yours, and that is the home I am dying to have again! I knew the song was out there, lurking around the corner, I remember it from previous travels, and when hearing it would just kind of create a soft spot in my heart. I even recall warning Alex, try to block that song from me some how, if it is even possible, block my computer for searching for it on you tube. I knew in a moment of weakness I would find it, I would find it and listen and cry. It would be a time when I am already upset and listen and cry more, I think I am a bit twisted in that, like when I am sad, I try to somehow make myself even more upset. Who knows, maybe it is some odd psychology that if I can get it all out now then I will be finished with it and not cry for a while, thought that never seems to work quite as planned. I will leave you with this, knowing that I am cramped here... for the time being not having that feeling of "home" and knowing that again for some reason I am playing that song while I type  to you, though I am proud to report... I am not crying!

be careful what you wish for

I was always told as a little girl to be careful what i wished for, along with many other things... some being reminded of the boy who cries wolf and not to make all those silly faces, or you may just stay that way. Though I, like most people never put much thought into it. That was until a few months ago. I had lived my life for several years wanting something amazing to come along. Something that was just it, and I was sure I would know when this "it" came along. And then "it" happened. Without warning or notice, my life went from the calm standard that it was in Springfield, Missouri to a whirl wind of adventure a moving that it is now. I would not go back and change anything, though, I now realize how true the statement is to be careful what you wish for. For anyone who might be a bit behind the curve of what is happening in these shoes at the moment. Here is a quick run down: Since April (all of this year) I have... ended a 4 year relationship, re-connected with a casual friend had a trip to Seattle, WA and fallen in love. I married the man of my dreams in August only after we also went on adventures to Dallas, New Orleans, Memphis and St. Louis. We moved out of the apartment we had been living in and quit my wonderful job as an assistant manager for Victoria's Secret. We moved out to my parent's house, went on a 2 1/2 week holiday to Colorado to visit some friends, ending it with a stop in Oklahoma for a few days to visit a few other friends. Finally getting my spousal visa approved, we booked ourselves onto the Queen Mary 2, an ocean liner to make the voyage to our new home in England. The ship was... interesting to say the least. We were the few non-pensioners aboard and most of the activities (IE walking, running, gym, pool and hot tub) ended at 8 pm! Though, we did get a lot of sleep and relaxation as well as some wonderful food. As well as an extremely large  amount of luggage across to our new home land. These bags were mostly made up of my clothes, some were Alex's but I have to own up to the fact that it was mostly mine. We also brought however, his bike, "George" I call him. Which of course took up it's deal of space. Upon arriving in England and our wonderful adventure northward toward London and on to trains, tubes and taxis we made it to Alex's great uncle Syd's house. Which, we are now staying at and commuting into London to look for work as well as living. We've been here since Tuesday the 19th of October and it has been a continuous roller coaster of events. From applying for jobs, to interviews, flat searches and the like. I have formed this blog to update all those who know me, as well as anyone who doesn't if it is of interest or assistance to them, to stay updated and connected with our happenings. Please feel free to leave comment and share what you may as I share how things are here in these shoes...