I have these visions. OK that sounds weird, but it's not as weird as that sounds.... I mean when I have some feelings I see some almost cartoon version of these feelings being acted out at times. There are really three main ones.
I remember the first, I had when I was younger... I grew up having two step brothers that lived far away, and though they often promised they seldom visited (at least that was my feeling, but I am not sure that it would have ever been enough, I craved their attention.) My dad was also gone often, he travelled with work and would be gone for month's at a time. He often came home by surprise which was sometimes wonderful and sometimes scary dependent upon the method of surprise. At this stage in my life I often envisioned one of these wonderful men in my life appearing down a street, me running toward them, them running toward me and a wonderful embrace with them picking me up and swinging me around. This happened, at least in my memory when I was between 8-12 probably, at least in my memory, but it was wonderful.
The one I seem to have more often than not is of someone pulling me by the feet, my face down, nails most likely dug into the floor/ground. There is probably some combination of kicking, screaming and tears. Though it is usually not all too dire as I know that the things that bring this feeling on are usually things I want but am scared of. It is what I see often before a flight, I don't remember if it was there before the move to London, but it sure is there now... daily.
I know that I want to move, I know that I am excited, but it is difficult to see that at times. I absolutely love London, beautiful, rainy, overcast, chaotic, diverse and unexplainable London. I have loathed and loved it in these two years and now that it is coming to an end I have very mixed feelings. I am very glad to say that there are not any days that I am at my breaking point, that I just can't wait to get out of here. This is for the best, as it would be a horrible feeling to leave hating London. Samuel Johnson speaks true, though I feel we are intellectual, and that is why it is time for us to leave, at least for now.
"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."
— Samuel Johnson
If you have not visited this wonderful city, like so many wonderful places you are truly missing out, though even at visiting, it depends how deeply you dive into the city to find the pieces that have grown the dearest to my heart. The places that remain on my list to go to again, after I go to them time and time again.
