long time... no see

A lot has happened since I have posted my last blog, at the same time, not much at all. I began several, never finished or got to the point of posting any, obviously. I have come to one conclusion... I am just going to write, write for myself, and myself alone. I say this because so many thoughts ran through my head, they ran the gambit of positive, negative, crazy, spastic, and everywhere in between. I often find myself afraid to write about something in fear of worrying people if it is that I am sad, upset or annoyed. Or not being able to change my mind when I say one thing then see the positive in another choice... so this shall be my forum to share thoughts, please don't freak out if I am crying one day, ecstatic the next (Just because I am happy here, or buying a flat, doesn't mean I don't miss everyone at home!)

With this said.. I had a wonderful week off last week, I went into Hampstead several days and explored around my neighborhood a bit more. On another day I went to Notting Hill and walked from there to Chelsea with a friend whom has recently re-located to London! It was wonderful! So nice to not only see a familiar face (that happens now at Waitrose, an expectable side effect from going to the same grocery store everyday, often times twice a day). There is one wonderful familiar face at waitrose, it is a nice blond checkout girl! I think she just kind of laughs at our frequentness there, though we exchange our well wishes for the day to follow and bid fair-well. I am sure she doesn't know how much her being a familiar means to me. As this was one of my things, I was so afraid to leave my cocoon of familiarness. It doesn't matter much to me that I am probably just another one of their customers, that they don't notice me. But I have a whole array of familiar shop workers from Springfield.. there was the semi-long haired man at Barns and Noble, the jolly man at Brown Derby, the vitamin girls at Mama Jeans, workers at Dynamic earth and many, many more. Not to mention familiar faces I was greeted with at my favorite shopping destinations! :) Anyway, away from that tangent... So, Simone, whom I first met at Abercrombie, then she came to join me at Victoria's Secret, and now... she has moved across the pond to London! It was so wonderful to be able to hang out with, go for a walk with some on who actually knows me. I never quite realized what a valuable thing that was. We saw beautiful neighborhoods, wonderful shops, delicious cupcakes and everything between. I also ventured down to St. Johns Wood to wait for a package, there I explored a little market (it was once featured in an episode of Nigella Lawson) here I found several American "treats" to name a few were.... Fruit by the foot, Nestle chocolate chips, Macaroni and Cheese and many more. I am actually quite proud to say that I did not buy any of these! I found a hot water bottle that I liked the look of at a pharmacy and have been fully converted to the world of hot water bottles! I will promote them to everyone! I absolutely LOVE it!!! It gets really warm, all you do is fill it with hot water, right out of the tap (you don't even have to boil it!) and whala! And, you save heaps of energy so you're helping everyone out, you're not putting electric devices straight up against your body, and no worries of it burning yourself in the night (a consistent fear of my mother).

And then, came the weekend, Alex and I boarded a train and headed out to Whitstable. I am sure you have never heard of it, I hadn't until Alex suggested I look into it. It is the quaintest, cutest little sea side village. We stayed at a wonderful bed and breakfast that was so relaxing and perfect! And... it had a bath! One of the most wonderful things in the world to me these days, being that we don't have one! We strolled through the main street, in and out of individual boutiques and ate meals consisting of mostly fish. We didn't buy too much, a few books from a re-sale shop, a hand knitted bird toy (I know, I am truly a child!) and ate fresh Oysters, pulled out of the English Channel right in front of us and cracked open right before we tipped them back! This was my first time to try them... not quite my cup of tea, but not too bad. Upon returning back home, we watched yet another movie of the break, 127 Hours... great, great, great! Though he does a lot of reflecting during his time stuck, he records video messages to his loved ones and realizes how important people are in his live. For some reason, for the first time since we have been gone. My emotions really came to a tipping point and I missed Springfield! I missed the streets, I missed all those familiar faces, I missed the feeling of knowing.... knowing everything, what was going on around me, how things worked there, all of it. I don't know why it came to a point on that night, but my body was no longer able to hold in the emotion. I don't know if I had secretly hoped that if I didn't acknowledge it, simply pushing it aside, if I wouldn't feel it anymore. I would find something wonderful here to distract me. But, it needed to be dealt with just like other things, it was a mourning of sorts. Morning the loss of my old stopping ground. It is a good feeling to work though it, and I am not a foolish enough person to claim that, that will be the end of it. I am sure that at some point, for some reason those feelings are sure to rear their head back into my mind, and I have become ok with that. Ok with the fact that I can let myself be upset, but I need to realize that when it all comes down to it... it's up to me. So, I will remember just how amazingly wonderful things actually are!

A consciousness of reality...

I was reminded of one of life's greatest lessons out of the blue while at work, by a Missourian none the less! "Life's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got," by the wonderful Cheryl Crow. Along the same lines in the book I just finished a similar story was shared about a little squirrel whom would sit and beg at a posh restaurant  in a wonderful area where he would sit and beg for things like lobster and other wonderful delicacies unknown to most squirrels. The writer wondered if the squirrel ever thought of how difficult his life was, going and begging for food every day, if he wondered how amazing the climate he lived in was, how amazing the food he was willingly given daily by restaurant patrons. He most likely thinks his life is normal, that that is all there is, or that he is even a beggar and other squirrels have it better. Sometimes we fall so unaware of just how good things are al around us that we forget of how good we have it, how much pain and hardship is out in the world. If you are like me, you do think of it sometimes, and realize how absolutely fortunate you are, how wonderful your life is and just how extremely blessed you are. It is so difficult to think of the people out there in the cold, without shelter, nothing warm to eat, or even forget the warm, nothing at all. It is difficult to think about, and I do admit, that I consciously try not to think of the difficulties some face on a moment to moment basis. I am happy to report that though this has been a difficult season in my life, a lot of adjustments socially and a lot of tightness and creativity financially but I feel that I truly am for once, fully happy with, "wanting what I've got." And I hope everyone reading this is too!

The power of a tune...

Isn't it funny how music triggers something in us, how it makes you come alive and feel nostalgic of times in the past at the same time. I have been off today, and quite enjoyed myself. It is the first day that I have had off without Alex hanging out with me that I can say I actually have enjoyed myself! I am sure there are several factors that have helped in this, speaking to my mother on skype, sending multiple facebook messages back and forth to one of my best friends and a lot of very good food, and drinks, all accompanied by music. Either the sound track that runs in my head, what might be happening to play on the television or on the ipod that was randomly providing the playlist for the bank's common area. Now I have transitioned to the wonders of youtube and the instant music and video it provides. There are songs that remind me of the warmth of summer (Kings of Leon), songs that make me think of my dad, or cleaning the house during college (Rod Stewart), and songs that remind me of Carrie and Alex both (Amos Lee) Carrie because she was such an amazing friend and dealt with me while I kept it on a consistent repeat for months, inclusive of a drive to Kansas City and back. Alex, because when we were merely friends I told him of Amos as being one of my favorite artist's and that he should check him out. Then there are the "artists" (I put this in quotes because I know Alex and probably many other people would debate with me on their real talent) like Jesse McCartney and T-pain, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland or Young money, Mace, And the list goes on of one hit wonders/ random rap artist's that make me think of multiple memories of laughing at the ridiculousness of the lyrics with Miss Molly.
They say smell is the most nostalgic sense, which I agree it is a strong one, but I am not so sure hearing is far behind. I remember the songs I listened to through slews of emotions throughout life. There was Meatloaf and something about glass house (may be the name of the album) and dancing with my father on the top of our old coffee table in the den of the old lake house. Then there was some random indian pipe and drum combination and Little Texas singing "God bless Texas" with Tara and I's gymnastic presentations for my parent's in the living room. There was the regular jock jams mix played while watching athletic warm ups and the songs that made up high school like Blue, Bye, bye, bye... the hits by Nelly, Avril, P.O.D, and so, so many others. I am sure my close group of friends through the high school years, remember Sammie and I like the way you look at me, and it's inability to leave our heads. There was Brandon's (B.) amazing ability to dance to Brittany Spears, Ah, those were some interesting times. There area the all incompassing songs that can't help but make me smile, Train: Meet Virginia and Drops of Jupiter, our senior class group plus many others, arm's linked around one another singing our hearts out. There's Green Day's Time of your life that consistently reminded me to live each day, each moment to it's fullest, to take it all in and full embrace everything that really was happening around me, everything I was, and am. There is Patty Loveless (sad but true) How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye, that I played on repeat, close to the hour long drive back to Springfield when the Bates' family made their move to Las Vegas. Through college there were nearly too many to remember, either that, or I don't even know a large amount of the artist by name, it was just mix tape by Brandon (C.) 1 or 52, or somewhere in the middle. There was  Something Corporate, too many to name, but Konstantine and  Punk Rock Princess, Good Charlotte, and the odd combination of John Mayer and Nelly singing a remix of Ride With Me that were on my daily play list through Europe. On the same trip, after waiting over a week to call home, once reaching them, my parent's had made their own wonderful rendition of Reba McEntire's He gets that from me, inserting personal traits to sing over the phone lines to me. They also sang Sugarland's Baby Girl to me many times, and at no time have the lyrics been more true than the present.  Then there was All American Rejects, Dirty Little Secret's that takes me to a memorable road trip to southern California and Las Vegas. Snow Patrols' Chasing Cars and Coldplay's the Scientist in grad school. I hear a song and if it is on my running mix I automatically know the sequence it should fall within and have that urge to get my body moving, the motivation it provides for me for some reason or another to continue to put one foot in front of the other, to complete the pre-determined distance and prove something to myself, and myself alone.
There are songs that bring you back to a feeling by the first few cords, you hear them, and bam, you're right back in 2003, walking downtown with friends, or crying in your room alone. Music has some all knowing power that can break through stereo types, through barriers, through good moods and bad. Songs have the power to bring you (well, at least me) to tears in an instant given my barriers are broken down. It is such a magical power that the lyric's hold within themselves, they help me feel connected to friends now removed from me by thousands and thousands of miles, they help me smile and remember that if I am still aware of these songs, of these memories then they must be too. As writing this so many more pop to mind, too many to right, so many good memories, some pissed off memories, some so funny I began to cry from laughing, and some that brought true tears of sorrow to my eyes. Let me know what songs you think of when you think of that have the ability to bring out true emotion in you, and which one's are absolutely ridiculous but you just can't help but laugh and think of a fun memory linked with it!

Married life

When talking with people at work yesterday, we were talking about relationships and what each of them liked in a significant other. They asked about how Alex and I met and of course I shared our story with them. Then there was a pause, when they said they were just thinking about what it was like to be married, one of them, asked me, what is it like... (you could see him thinking), "What is it like to live with your partner all the time?" 

I had been asked several times by friends or family how the married life was, how things were going, but these were people who really knew me, people whom had met Alex and for the most part, already knew the answer.  Though these people didn't know either of us in depth. I didn't know what to say at first, my initial response was simple, and to the point.... It's really fun! I decided I should probably expand on the subject since that response was quite vague, I didn't know where to begin... I said that it was like hanging out with your best friend all the time, like always getting to do something together. (earlier in the conversation we had guessed one another's ages, upon one of them guessing I was 31... yes.... 31!!! Because I was married, and stuff so it made me seem older). I assured them we were not much like an old couple, for Christmas I had received a stuffed animal and had given Alex a Where's Wally book, we act like big kids, or not really all that big, like little kids. I told them how we had fort night and made a fort in our living room and slept out there. I honestly think I express oddities and creative expression be that odd voices and random dancing much, much more now that Alex is in my life. I am sure a lot of it boils down to the comfort level and confidence he gives me, knowing full well that regardless of how much I act like a nerd, he will still love me, stand by my side and laugh with (or at) me! I Who ever said getting older and getting married meant that you have to be boring and dull. Well, if that is the case we're breaking the rules! :) 

Food

We've rung in the new year with a relaxing few days off. It was absolutely wonderful! We watched a lot of movies (like 6) and ate a lot of great food. Work continues to get better, though there are always bumps along the way, though I am sure a lot of it is me over analyzing things. A co-worker has shown me a place just like chipotle and it is so, so good. Also we have really been selective on what we eat, and it is so great because we can be! Organic, fresh, free range and really healthy food options are much more plentiful than they were in the states, well at least springfield. It is really good, really enjoyable. I always had an inkling I would turn into one of "those" people, I think it's been there a bit all along, the selectiveness of food choices along with disgust in many foods. No freaking out anyone, I haven't gone fully vegetarian yet... but we'll just say I am very concerned where the animal products come from and which meats they are. I think everyone should be aware of what it is you're putting into your body, what chemicals, and non-food products there are out there, and how easy it is to avoid so much of this! If anyone would like to read up on anything, there are several books I would recommend. 

1. Skinny Bitch by: Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin 

2. You are what you eat and The food bible by: Gilligan McKeith

3. Food rules, The omnivore's dilemma and In defence of food 

There are just a few, as I am sure there are several others out there, but they are the one's I have read that come to mind, and that I have really enjoyed. They aren't all about harshness in food but simply awareness. (In this case, I would probably not start out with Skinny Bitch, as it is a bit more in your face). Food rules, is a super simple read, you'll probably finish it in an hour, and they aren't strict crazy diet rules, they simply encourage you to actually think about what you're eating. If anyone has any recommendations for me or reads any of these please tell me! Hope you all wonderful meals to come! :) 

Inspiration

There is an air of inspiration in London. I feel a creative gene growing often! On my lunches (they are a mandatory hour) I eat quickly then leave the concave of the store and walk around the streets, I pop in and out of little shops and a few big ones. Liberty is one of my favorites, and it is right next to work. For those of you whom are not familiar with it... I would maybe describe it  simply as... Barney's mixed with Anthropologie. It is a high end, "department store" I put this in quotes because nothing of it feels of a department store. It is in an old tudor building which it has been in since 1925, before that it had a different location on Regent street where it opened in 1875! The current location has not been changed because they put in a department store, it still boasts all the small little rooms, the wonderful trims and detailing. I say it is similar to anthropologie because you see their value for creativeness. Their is a section where they sell fabric and other sewing tools, then on the next floor you find the highest designer dresses, shirts and trousers moments away from the shoe's many girls' dreams are made of. It is an inspiring journey. It was here yesterday that I remembered how I need to step out of what people consider to be normal. I have never totally been this, and refuse to change now. Though I miss my creative and artsy counterpart, (mom) to aid in all the sewing and bringing to fruition. But it looks like it's time I face the music and actually do some of those bit's myself (with much advice via skype of course). The great thing about London is that anything goes. You see people walking around in every possible realm of fashion genius. Which allows for a version of freedom I have dreamed about. You can wear what you like, when you like it, with out needing to formulate an explanation. Dresses... anytime I want! Combinations, patterns, etc...  So, regardless of where you are and who tries to set some form of limitation on you... I encourage everyone to express your creative nature and enjoy yourself!