traffic...

I write to you from aboard our train to the coast, headed to meet a ferry then on across the North Sea to the Netherlands, once again onto a train and into Amsterdam. The world of travel amazes me frequently. As we were on the way marching like fire ants through the tunnels of the London underground I began to analyze this situation we were in. Arms bogged down with suitcases, arm-to-arm, body-to-body against the masses. We made our way, onto the appropriate underground train and stood packed next to our fellow patrons. This is where my thinking started to kick in. I felt like, we were stuck in traffic, the jam packed, cannot go anywhere, no side roads to take kind of traffic, left without an alternative.  Up to this point I had loved the underground travel to and from work, it allowed me the leisure of reading more books than I think I have read in my life, at least in a shorter time frame, I could thoughtlessly sit there and wait for my stop, I feel similar to a child on the school bus, waiting my turn to get out, being served by some master driver guiding us on our way. But then, as we are here, in this mass of “people traffic” I wonder, would I prefer to be in the comfort of my own car, have my own climate control, the ability to roll down my window and or sun roof to enjoy the wonders of fresh air, something you do not get in the underground. My own music, the ability to speak on my mobile phone, which did I really prefer more? To be honest, I don’t know, I loved my car- Emma, as many of you know, but the amazing luxury of being able to escape to a world of, well, whatever you like while making your journey home, to work, shopping whatever it might be at the time. Though the wonderful privacy of having our own little box, your own little space that is not your home, but often an extension of it, holding, in my case, yoga mats, tennis shoes, I pod, magazines, books, water bottles, bits of clothing, while in high school I began to always make sure I had a swimming suit in my car. Living by the lake and having friends with pools you never knew when you would need it. After moving a mere hour away for college, the habit slowly escaped me, it wasn’t really one I wanted to let go of though, it was a wonderful thought, you never know when it might just be the perfect time for a swim. My freshman year in college I purchased 7 new swimsuits, I loved them, they were a “good deal” (always open to a subjective opinion. My newfound friends at college found that to be the most absurd thing ever, 7! To me, perfect sense. I was always in the water at some point in a day in the summers… was this not normal? Apparently not! No need to worry, since they I have purchased…well, not seven in a year, but they are something that I love. Anyway, from that tangent, I do not know which form of travel I prefer, and it mostly depends on what my location is, in Springfield as well as many other regions of the US it is highly impractical to attempt to depend solely on public transportation unless you are ready to add taxi’s to the mix which drastically increases your spending, and the same goes for London, though the opposite. It is much more fiscally possible to solely depend on public transport. What with is host of transport options, underground, over ground, national rail, DLR and the mass of busses.

independent adventures...

This week I have had off, most of my days off now are alone, since Alex works Monday through Friday and I work sporadic shifts, our days off our unfortunately not often together. So, we have each been forced to do  a bit of exploring solo. We have been visiting slews of new boroughs to find the perfect location. In this exploration there have been wonderful new discoveries and great disappointments. We have unearthed hidden gems that I feel so many Londoners turn their noses up at because they aren't the most known, or maybe at one time had a bad reputation, or "gasp" are south of the river! oh, the horror! Well, we are saying heck with them! We see great potential! Together we explored Muswell hill (north of the river, just up the road from where we live now). It was wonderful, had a small village feel, it isn't on the underground lines, thus making it a bit less traveled through and at a lower price point. We explored this area to quite an extent and fell in love with the rolling hills reminiscent of those in San Francisco. Though after prodding farther we discovered other hidden treasures with plenty to offer, and more space for our money. The next areas of consideration were explored on a day off together, they included Honor Oak Park, Forrest hill, East Dulwich and Dulwich. These areas had pros and con's as well. Honor Oak and Forrest hill simply weren't for us, East Dulwich is lovely as well, definitely one to keep in the running. Dulwich it's self, is a bit out of our price range, though it made me feel like we were back in the States with detached homes, cars in driveways and immaculate gardens. Yesterday I explored the likes of Woolrich Royal Arsenal and Greenwich with a bit of Canary wharf  mixed in. Woolrich, the most amazing development, made me feel the closest to the apartment buildings and complexes I was used to. They are old, heritage listed buildings from the old military grounds re-furbished and made into extraordinary properties. The shops around are in no doubt lacking. I guess I should jump back and explain a bit of what I look for when we are considering area's to live. Proximity to small quaint shops for me to pop in and out of on days off. Area's to wonder about and roam aimlessly while feeling safe, and last but far from least, satisfactory grocers. This can be, waitrose, whole foods, or choice other organic food markets. Though, this is me being a bit picky. Waitrose does deliver, which may become our usual if we move, but one area we simply refuse to compromise on is our food. With that said, Woolrich was lacking in all of the above, other than a wonderful development, which includes gym membership! After becoming annoyed and deciding to head home at treat myself to Indian on the way, I spoke to Alex, we talked about how close Greenwich was... so I reluctantly decided to pass up a wonderful helping of Madras chicken and rice to explore yet another area, one that I most certainty could not live in at the moment, but could explore and pop over to in a moment's notice if we decide to live in Woolrich. I am happy with my decision. As I traveled on the DLR (Docklands light rail) it, is wonderful. For starters, it is new, and it travels over the river, where you can see it. Ah, the water, there is simply something about it. As I got of at Greenwich I struggled to find my way to the all so famous Greenwich village at first, and with out a doubt became distracted at a book shop having a sell out sale (I am proud to say, I withstood any purchases!) I ventured farther, stumbled into the market, in and out of wonderful shops, just the kind I like. Passing by bakeries, op shops and hair dressers. It was a lovely little area. I then stumbled upon a large open courtyard space which drew my interest as it said university, I thought I might pick up yet another university tee-shirt for Alex and see what was around. The book store of University of Greenwich was, well, nothing short of disappointing. Though I then saw a sign for restroom and being that London has so few public toilets I should take advantage of an offer. As I made my way I was greeted by an array of historical memorabilia from the ancient past. Stumbling through it all I happened into a guide shop, picked up a free news paper and read the caption with a photo at the bottom, that was all of the paper I ever did read. It said, after next month 10 (pounds, I cannot figure out where the key is on my computer) to stand on the Meridian line. Me, in my blond ignorance had not registered that I was in Greenwich, like the Greenwich, Greenwich mean time. I walked up to the counter, and asked, how do I get here. The lady just kind of looked at me, pulled out a map, and told me it was where the one was! This became my new mission, why not right. I mean, usually I would have thought, Alex and I should come back and go together, but yesterday was the 22nd! That means it is almost next month! That means it will soon be 10! So, why not make it alone. As I head in what I believe to be the correct direction I stop and ask a guard for direction. Our conversation was a bit odd, I think it went something like this:
Me: Hi, can you tell me what street this is?
Guard: x street, whatever it was, maybe park? Anyway... Where are you trying to go?

Guard: you want to go there?
Me: Ya, sure, why not, right?
Guard: Slight chuckle at my naiveteness OK... look out there, see that red ball...

Here there is a bit of a struggle as the ball is far off and it was quite overcast, I sort of lied and said I saw the ball after some squirming around and him continuing to point in the exact same spot. He told me, this is were I needed to be, at this red ball. So, I head off in the direction, as I walked I half wondered if there really was a red ball or if he was just making me feel like a fool and and full well known that I had lied to him. But then, in the distance on the top of a hill, I spotted the infamous red ball! I made my way to the planetarium with hoards of other people marching to see the spot where time begins. And I stood there, I stood with one foot at East longitude and one in West. This was Greenwich mean time, this was point 0. Wow, what a discovery! A part of me felt as proud of myself for stumbling up on the discovery as thought I were actually the one to discover it. I was so excited, such a fun thing, something I didn't set out to do, blindly didn't think of being there, and naively didn't connect 2+2. Being that I was alone, I had someone take a photo for me. I then continued to explore the museum hosting old clocks and much on Maritime time keeping and location determining. I then bobbed my way through the planetarium and learned about stars, touched a piece of meteorite  that claims to be 4.5 billion years old and saw the wonders of our universe on film. All in all, I feel as though the day was quite the success. We still continue to search through undiscovered (to us) parts of London and accidentally stumble upon treasures that remind me that I live in this wonderful city with so much, literally at your doorstep to reach out and explore.

Baxter...

I have had this week off, and I realized just how long it has been since i have posted. As I had said earlier... we got a dog. This is him
Baxter is his name, and he is... a handful! We
call him the gremlin because he makes some of the oddest noises. He sleeps in a close to coma like state then with the flip of a switch he becomes some hyperactive add psychotic mongrel. He is our favorite when snuggling with us, which he is quite the little lover... and least favorite when he decides to investigate things with his teeth. He does the most adorable little march or like running in place, you can tell that he is so proud of whatever accomplishment it might be. Often times fetching a toy and brining it back to us. We have also realized we speak to him, much the way we would a child. Telling him why something might not be acceptable or to get a toy not to try to rip our sock off our tender feet. He is none the less an adventure and life changing experience.
He makes us laugh to the point of hysteria daily. For example, he was snuggling sleeping next to me the other day, sound asleep, had been for nearly an hour. Alex, at the other end of the couch sneezed, Baxter jumped to all fours and let out a little triple bark/howl! He was on alert, something odd was going on, and he would be there to protect! We of course, had no option but to burst out in laughter. On another occasion we accidently dropped the remote, his legs swept out from under him and the startle on his face was as though a gun shot went off, again hysteria soon followed and our laughter could not be subsided. These are few of the many times he brings great laughter and joy, what a blessing a little furry gremlin is!
Though I have always known Alex would be a great father, I see it all the more in the way he deals with our simple little puppy. He thinks of things that don't even cross my mind. Makes me leave the room when I am taking off nail polish. He will hardly allow me to sit on the couch while eating chocolate in fear that I might drop a bit, knowing me I would. And when my absent mindedness put the empty container of honey into a box that was waiting to be thrown out for trash he had me throw out the whole box and realize that of course the bit of honey left in the container would dribble out, and probably seep through the box, onto the floor... where our precious little monster found it. Oops!
What a wonderful adventure we have set ourselves upon, so many headaches and fits of laughter are sure to follow in the years ahead.

exploration

The past few days have been, a whirlwind of what-if's and what-if-not's... I feel like I have been torn between knowing what I want, what I think I've wanted before, or not want. Just to name a few of these things in limbo: flat in UK, house/flat in the US (Chicago probably), getting a dog, babies, work and the list goes on and on... A few of the decisions have been made, so before anyone freaks out, let me tell you what those things have been so far... 1. No, we are not pregnant, we thought I might be, but two tests have confirmed we are not. 2. totally not related to that answer, we are getting a puppy, tomorrow, Saturday! A boston terrier, and could not be more excited, we haven't decided on a name yet for sure, but will hopefully narrow it down this evening. We're looking at properties both here and Chicago, though at the time we are thinking Chicago might be easier to get on the property ladder, (we would be renting it out for a few years at least, then might more there, but for the time, we are sticking here). 


Don't fear parent's... we do want children, and if it was now, we would be alright with it, but we want to wait a bit longer, do a bit more traveling and build ourselves up a bit more so we can give them the lives you gave us. So for now... you will have to settle for a puppy grandchild. Though, this has been quite an eye opening experience for me, while I feel that I have been one of those people that as a little girl simply could not wait to be a mother, have someone to take care of, look after, etc... I have always loved Children's toys, clothes, books, everything. I am sure part's of it i.e.: the toys and books may be a bit of regression coping mechanism. Though, once I was faced with the fact that this was really happening, when we hadn't planned on it, I knew I would be fine regardless of the answer, but I began to have a great fear. I had a fear of two things, 1. I have come to realize that one of my absolute biggest fears is losing a child, something going wrong during the pregnancy! As I have said before Alex and I are quite organic and very big on natural/slow/fair trade foods these days, but at the very thought of this life change I felt myself drawing into an overboard in this area, probably to the point of driving Alex insane (If I am not already there! :) )  2. My body being taken over, no longer mine. Such a weird thought, and feeling, that I know someday I will have to come to grips with, and will need some advice from those of you whom have gone before me in this adventure! 


Anyway, I will try to keep everyone up to date on property searching and all of the above, and stay posted for photos of the puppy! :) 

What makes you come alive?

This year has been a bit, well, all over the place. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be where I am now! Things are absolutely wonderful, for the most part. Things like not having my group of friends right down the street or my favorite store just a drive away does stink a bit but overall, we're doing well here. Someone was recently speaking about life, and the different sectors, and how they considered that things were going well if 2 out of the 3 were a success for them at the moment. These categories were 1. friends and family 2. Career 3. personal or romantic. I have to say, I have got one for sure... number 3 is going well, I feel like the other two are a bit half way, so... I guess I am doing alright, since the two that are half combine to make a whole. With friends, there isn't a lot more that I can do with my relationships with friends in the states. I would like to actually make some friends here, but that is something that takes time, something that will come naturally. And work, I like most of the people I see on a daily basis, and things are good for the most part, I know I am capable of so much more. There is just something not clicking, part of it is I am sure the wonderful schedule demands in the world of retail, being married and newly married, I simply want to be at home with my husband when he is here, and now that Alex is working too it has only seemed to exaggerate this feeling.
With both how things seem to be going in my mind and in the world with riots and government's being overthrown, and all the chaos that is happening around it is so hard to focus on such minimal "importances" that I feel are almost created to bring some form of validation to peoples lives .  I was speaking to someone recently, trying to give them advice on work, on life, etc... and shared with them one of my favorite quotes. It is from author John Eldredge, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is people whom have come alive!" (this may not be 100% verbatim.) But I mean, how true! So many people these days are just being, just doing. They aren't passionate about what they are doing, and are most likely unhappy with life if you really get to the root of it. I hate that thought, I refuse to not be alive in my life, in each and every sector of that! I am not sure yet what that looks like specifically. I am blessed and cursed in the regards that there are so many things that excite me, that I am passionate about and that make me feel alive. I just need to actually focus on them and make one or a few of them come to fruition. I hope that everyone reading this is truly alive in their life, and if not, are brave enough to do whatever it takes to make yourself come alive, because that is what the world needs!

long time... no see

A lot has happened since I have posted my last blog, at the same time, not much at all. I began several, never finished or got to the point of posting any, obviously. I have come to one conclusion... I am just going to write, write for myself, and myself alone. I say this because so many thoughts ran through my head, they ran the gambit of positive, negative, crazy, spastic, and everywhere in between. I often find myself afraid to write about something in fear of worrying people if it is that I am sad, upset or annoyed. Or not being able to change my mind when I say one thing then see the positive in another choice... so this shall be my forum to share thoughts, please don't freak out if I am crying one day, ecstatic the next (Just because I am happy here, or buying a flat, doesn't mean I don't miss everyone at home!)

With this said.. I had a wonderful week off last week, I went into Hampstead several days and explored around my neighborhood a bit more. On another day I went to Notting Hill and walked from there to Chelsea with a friend whom has recently re-located to London! It was wonderful! So nice to not only see a familiar face (that happens now at Waitrose, an expectable side effect from going to the same grocery store everyday, often times twice a day). There is one wonderful familiar face at waitrose, it is a nice blond checkout girl! I think she just kind of laughs at our frequentness there, though we exchange our well wishes for the day to follow and bid fair-well. I am sure she doesn't know how much her being a familiar means to me. As this was one of my things, I was so afraid to leave my cocoon of familiarness. It doesn't matter much to me that I am probably just another one of their customers, that they don't notice me. But I have a whole array of familiar shop workers from Springfield.. there was the semi-long haired man at Barns and Noble, the jolly man at Brown Derby, the vitamin girls at Mama Jeans, workers at Dynamic earth and many, many more. Not to mention familiar faces I was greeted with at my favorite shopping destinations! :) Anyway, away from that tangent... So, Simone, whom I first met at Abercrombie, then she came to join me at Victoria's Secret, and now... she has moved across the pond to London! It was so wonderful to be able to hang out with, go for a walk with some on who actually knows me. I never quite realized what a valuable thing that was. We saw beautiful neighborhoods, wonderful shops, delicious cupcakes and everything between. I also ventured down to St. Johns Wood to wait for a package, there I explored a little market (it was once featured in an episode of Nigella Lawson) here I found several American "treats" to name a few were.... Fruit by the foot, Nestle chocolate chips, Macaroni and Cheese and many more. I am actually quite proud to say that I did not buy any of these! I found a hot water bottle that I liked the look of at a pharmacy and have been fully converted to the world of hot water bottles! I will promote them to everyone! I absolutely LOVE it!!! It gets really warm, all you do is fill it with hot water, right out of the tap (you don't even have to boil it!) and whala! And, you save heaps of energy so you're helping everyone out, you're not putting electric devices straight up against your body, and no worries of it burning yourself in the night (a consistent fear of my mother).

And then, came the weekend, Alex and I boarded a train and headed out to Whitstable. I am sure you have never heard of it, I hadn't until Alex suggested I look into it. It is the quaintest, cutest little sea side village. We stayed at a wonderful bed and breakfast that was so relaxing and perfect! And... it had a bath! One of the most wonderful things in the world to me these days, being that we don't have one! We strolled through the main street, in and out of individual boutiques and ate meals consisting of mostly fish. We didn't buy too much, a few books from a re-sale shop, a hand knitted bird toy (I know, I am truly a child!) and ate fresh Oysters, pulled out of the English Channel right in front of us and cracked open right before we tipped them back! This was my first time to try them... not quite my cup of tea, but not too bad. Upon returning back home, we watched yet another movie of the break, 127 Hours... great, great, great! Though he does a lot of reflecting during his time stuck, he records video messages to his loved ones and realizes how important people are in his live. For some reason, for the first time since we have been gone. My emotions really came to a tipping point and I missed Springfield! I missed the streets, I missed all those familiar faces, I missed the feeling of knowing.... knowing everything, what was going on around me, how things worked there, all of it. I don't know why it came to a point on that night, but my body was no longer able to hold in the emotion. I don't know if I had secretly hoped that if I didn't acknowledge it, simply pushing it aside, if I wouldn't feel it anymore. I would find something wonderful here to distract me. But, it needed to be dealt with just like other things, it was a mourning of sorts. Morning the loss of my old stopping ground. It is a good feeling to work though it, and I am not a foolish enough person to claim that, that will be the end of it. I am sure that at some point, for some reason those feelings are sure to rear their head back into my mind, and I have become ok with that. Ok with the fact that I can let myself be upset, but I need to realize that when it all comes down to it... it's up to me. So, I will remember just how amazingly wonderful things actually are!

A consciousness of reality...

I was reminded of one of life's greatest lessons out of the blue while at work, by a Missourian none the less! "Life's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got," by the wonderful Cheryl Crow. Along the same lines in the book I just finished a similar story was shared about a little squirrel whom would sit and beg at a posh restaurant  in a wonderful area where he would sit and beg for things like lobster and other wonderful delicacies unknown to most squirrels. The writer wondered if the squirrel ever thought of how difficult his life was, going and begging for food every day, if he wondered how amazing the climate he lived in was, how amazing the food he was willingly given daily by restaurant patrons. He most likely thinks his life is normal, that that is all there is, or that he is even a beggar and other squirrels have it better. Sometimes we fall so unaware of just how good things are al around us that we forget of how good we have it, how much pain and hardship is out in the world. If you are like me, you do think of it sometimes, and realize how absolutely fortunate you are, how wonderful your life is and just how extremely blessed you are. It is so difficult to think of the people out there in the cold, without shelter, nothing warm to eat, or even forget the warm, nothing at all. It is difficult to think about, and I do admit, that I consciously try not to think of the difficulties some face on a moment to moment basis. I am happy to report that though this has been a difficult season in my life, a lot of adjustments socially and a lot of tightness and creativity financially but I feel that I truly am for once, fully happy with, "wanting what I've got." And I hope everyone reading this is too!